||[26 Jul 2010|03:47pm]
you know your from california when:
Your monthly house payments exceed your monthly income.
You make over $300,000 and still can’t afford a house.
You take a bus and are shocked when two people carry on a conversation in English.
Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
You speak Spanish, but you’re not Mexican.
Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. (my brothers 4th grade teacher!!!!!)
You don’t know anyone’s phone number unless you check your cell phone.
You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
You begin to “lie” to your friends about how close you are when you know damn well that it’ll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes.”
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
Gas is $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
You can’t remember … is pot illegal?
You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cell phones or pagers.
It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work at least an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don’t notice.
In the “winter,” you can go to the beach, ski at Big Bear, mow your lawn in your shorts and maybe get a sunburn all on the same day.
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
You know what “In-’N-Out” is and feel bad for the other states that don’t have any.
You don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll. ( i don't do it but i know lots of people that do!)
You’ve partied in Tijuana at least 3 times and you can’t remember at least 1 of them.
You go to a tanning salon before you go to the beach. (lol)
Your have a permanent impression on the side of your head from your cell phone.
You know that Venice is a beach.
The waitress asks if you want “carbs” in your meal.
You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.
You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An “818” would never date a “562” and so on…
You call 911 and they put you on hold.
You have a gym membership because it’s mandatory.
The gym is packed at 3pm … on a workday.
You think you are better than the people who live “Over the Hill.” It doesn’t matter which side of the hill your home is, you are just better than they are.
You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald’s or a Starbucks.
You know what “sigalert,” “PCB,” and “five” mean.
You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal?
It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH.”
The Terminator is your governor.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
PS —If you drive here illegally, they’ll take away your driver’s license. If you’re an illegal alien, they want to give you one!
You know your from Chino, California when:
"You know you’re from Chino when..."
1. You know when DAL won the last Milkcan game.
2. You know what DAL stands for.
3. You know what the Milkcan game is
4. You know you are from Chino when people say "Damn! What’s that smell?" and you reply "What smell?"
5. You know you are from Chino when you know what "smells like Chino" means
6. You know you are from Chino when the only thing people do is hang out at the Spectrum and listen to the crappy bands
7. You know you are from Chino when your idea of a scary time is green mist and the cooper house
8. You know you are from Chino when people ask where you are from and you say, “Chino,? and they respond "Oh! Where the prison is?"
9. You know you are from Chino when you have at least one friend who lives on a farm still.
10. You know when you are from Chino when you have a llama and cows at your school
11. You know you are from Chino when you watch the O.C. and get offended
12. You know you are from Chino when you can honestly say you know who Diana Taurasi is...
13. You know you are from Chino when all there is to do at night is to go toilet papering, cow tipping, or ice blocking.
14. You know you are from Chino when you walk into Kelly's and half the joint is from your old high school.
15. You know you are from Chino when you drive by what used to be "Drug Emporium" and it is now "Gigante Supermercado"
16. You know you are from Chino when at least half of the girls from your high school work at one of the 2,356 tanning booths in your local area.
17. You know you are from Chino when one Del Taco is closed, so you just make a left turn and.... voila! Another Del Taco!!
18. You know you are from Chino when you’re baking and you run out of milk, so all you have to do is hop in your car and hit up the drive-through dairy down the street.
19. You know you are from Chino when you need a new shirt, so you just hit up one of the local “Fashion Zones.?
20. You know you are from Chino when someone asks where you’re from, and you start preparing the "Its really not as bad as everyone thinks...." speech.
21. You know what the airport lounge is and know that on any given night, the bar may have up to 15 people in there (tractor trailer parking directly outside)
22. You know you are from Chino and went to CHS when all 10 of the P.E. teachers are football coaches.
23. You know you are from Chino when you get all excited and make everyone shut up when Snoop Dogg raps about living "in the hills, right next to Chino."
24. You know you are from Chino when you don’t need to go to high school reunions to see everyone; all you need to do is go to the demolition derby!
25.You know you're from Chino when people from orange county think your gangster despite the fact you are clearly white
26. You know you're from Chino when at least 2 people you know have had a DUI
27.You know you're from Chino when at the very same party you have people 5 years younger and 5 years older then you. hahaha
28.you know you are from chino when every one of your brothers has played for Chino High football
29. you know you are from chino when you have to go parties out side of chino cuz there aren’t any
30. you know you are from chino when your 12 year old brother is drinking at the same party that you are at
31. you know you are from chino when you get angry when you hear the words “Chino Hills?
32. You know you are from Chino when you say "Let's meet at Chino Burger for breakfast" and you're friends show up at ranch burger, chino burger, and super chili burger. (true story)
33. You STILL call the Ralph’s on Mountain Ave. Alpha-beta
34.You know you're from Chino when you think about the old times at the old AMC theatre, Kelly's, Godfather's, skate express, New York Pizzeria, and EZ Take Out
35. You've had the conversation with your friends about Chino Hills trying to claim ownership of the spectrum when it's clearly on Chino Grounds.
36. You know that there is no mist at Green Mist and that there is more than one "haunted" Kevin Cooper house.
37. You know you're from Chino when you can tell inquiring minds just which episode of The Simpsons Chino is mentioned, and who mentions it. (“Day of the Jackanapes,? Sideshow Bob.) "Oh, honestly! At Chino, they get to stay up ‘til nine!"
38. You are somehow connected to either the Carver or Wolfinbarger families. Or both.
39. You check the champion to see who you went to school with is getting married. Then feel really good when you see their spouse is ugly.
40. Any of the Ulloa kids have threatened to have their mom kick you out of Chino.
42. You know Officer McCombs, and know he's an asshole.
43. You've ever bought pot or cigarettes off the ice cream man.
44. Living in track housing makes you fancy
45. You've dry camped at the Prado Balloon Festival
46. You know the Chino Sinners are now just fat balding old guys who get together to hold BBQ's for their families.
47. You wake up for a hangover and met your crew at Flo's for breakfast
48. You know where Hottinger's meats is
49. You know that all the streets that have a number in its name is where the Chino Sinners live
50. You remember when someone pooped in your school pool and it wasn't you.
51. You know what a conquistador is
52. You know where to buy speed and/or can name 1 or more meth labs.
53. you remember when Chino Hills was nothing but Los Serranos
54. you remember the PIG MAN!
55. you know where to buy cigarettes and beer and your underage
56. you know who owns a pool and spend all of your time there
57. you've eaten at Joey's BBQ
58. YOU'VE HAD A FUCKIN MANNA Donut!
59. on Halloween you know who gives mini wonder breads and cheese popcorn away
60. You wake up and smell the Wonderbread factory!
61. you know that the DAL kids are good at track because they’re used to running from law enforcement
62. You’ve ever conducted illegal activities in "the wash."